11/20/2019 0 Comments
About two weeks ago I came across a quote on Instagram that deeply resonated with me, sparking the creation of this post. The quote stated, "…Every time you entertain a relationship with the goal of 'changing his mind,' you're gambling with your feelings."
Sometimes it saddens me to see people force themselves to stay in unhealthy relationships hoping the other person may eventually come around and change. I'll be the first to admit that I’ve been there, and it cost me a piece of my sanity.
I am a firm believer that there will always be signs that will either convey warnings or positive confirmations in regard to how someone truly feels about you. There will be no confusion, but instead there will be a sense of peace in knowing that you don’t have to worry about your place and where you stand with someone.
With this generation’s focus on glorifying “situationships” and secretly talking to others on the side, it’s no wonder that some people fall victim to settling for less. But I am here to encourage you to never settle or give your all to someone who isn’t ready for what you have to offer. Instead, utilize these various concepts to help develop a healthier approach to dating and increasing your self-worth.
1. Make a List of Specific Qualities You are Seeking in a Mate
I stopped looking at what social media or others painted as the “perfect relationship" and sought after what I needed in a partner, as well as qualities I should work on bringing to the table.
If you find yourself going through failed relationships, and/or “situationships”, I’d suggest you look inward and be specific about what you need in a partner as well as how you can work towards improving yourself. And I don’t mean writing down superficial qualities, I mean identifying essential traits that could potentially counterbalance areas that you may be lacking in. Ultimately, creating a visual aid to refer to and taking the time to identify and acknowledge important characteristics can be beneficial to honing in on a healthier relationship in the future.
2. Guard Your Heart
There’s a biblical scripture, Proverbs 4:23, that reads, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” This verse can be interpreted in various ways; however, guarding one's heart in dating has a significant meaning to me – so significant that I have it tattooed on me as a reminder.
Being an open person is a positive trait to have; however, it can be damaging to overshare personal and intimate details because it can open the door to vulnerability, which can cloudy your judgement. Don’t get me wrong, getting to know someone helps set the stage for a budding relationship, however, timing is everything. Take things slow, do not move too fast.
For instance, if things go sour, I would then feel somewhat robbed, I’d feel as if that person didn’t deserve to get to know me like they did due to me oversharing or becoming so vulnerable. Be mindful of the vibes and energy or lack thereof that’s being presented to you and don’t be afraid to get out of any situation if need be.
3. Don’t Make Yourself TOO Available
All my people pleasers raise your hand, this section is definitely for you! I also struggle with wanting to make everyone feel content and comfortable, and there’s no exception when it comes to seriously dating and liking someone. After some self-reflection, I noticed that I was always ready to give, so much that it became draining and even hurtful when certain things weren’t reciprocated.
Dating is a two-way street, if you are making all the plans and initiating a lot of the conversations it could be a sign that either you’re too smothering or this person may not be fully interested in you. Once again, if they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused. Trust your gut and all the signs along the way.
Let’s keep it real – some people aren’t going to be mentally or emotionally ready to reciprocate what you are looking for. There are various personality types out there – and experience can ultimately shape people and their desires and perferences. Although you may not be right for that person, it’s perfectly okay because someone better and more in tune with your spirit will come along. So, with that being said, stick to what you truly need and desire in a mate, do not settle.
I want to hear from you!
Please share your thoughts by commenting below. XOXOXO
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